The past month has been so incredibly hard. My grandad passed away on the 31st of October. Something nobody was expecting. At first you’re numb and your heart physically hurts and this daunt, darkness falls over you every time you think about, really think about. He isn’t coming back. never.

He was a good man, I know everyone says that when someone died but he truly was. My mum was adopted when going through his stuff he had wrote down the day they met her and put “the day we met our Joanne” and had kept it for all these years as a reminder. He never once raised his voice at us, was always so joyful and kind. He used to sing zip a dee doo daa constantly. He reminds me of mr banks in Mary poppins, the rosy cheeks and cheeky grin it was.

He was humble too. Didn’t care for money or material stuff. When his business went bust he never once complained or was bitter he just enjoyed being with his family. My dad wasn’t around when I was younger you see, so most memories that should have been with a dad was with him. And I can’t be grateful enough for having such a respectful, compassionate and loving man in my life.

Sorting out the funeral was hard but it seem my grandad hadn’t just touched my families hearts but a lot of other peoples, the funeral directors knew him and helped so much with the cost knowing there wasn’t much money for it, the company he worked for rang straight away saying they wanted someone present at his funeral because he was such a nice man and grandad loved that job. He’d be so chuffed to know they want to be there. And just so many people we haven’t seen in years are coming down and helping out and it’s just so warming to know that so many people thought so much of him because he really was fantastic.

Today on the 19th of November we went to see him in the chapel of rest. He looked so peaceful and he looked like he would wake up any minute and say “hello annie-lea” but he didn’t. And he won’t again. And it all sunk in properly when I felt how cold he was and I knew he wouldn’t wake up and I won’t ever see him again in person and he won’t be in his room collecting stamps or planting flowers anymore. Or going for walks down the beach and cliffs with me and the dogs or going to the arcades and getting chips or going dreamland every summer and all these other amazing, amazing memories he made with me. An it was so hard to walk out of that room knowing that I didn’t want to leave you. He really is the only man I have respect for I used to judge people on what I thought my grandad would think of them. And whether you know it grandad you are the only man I have ever respected, and one of few people I think is through and through a good person. I love you so much you have no idea. Finding your wallet with pictures of me in was such a lovely and thank you for being a part of my life.

And it so hard to say goodbye and it would always be too soon to say it. But I hope you’re okay wherever you are and you don’t forget us, we won’t forget you xx


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